1st
ANNUAL HUDSON DERBY
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On Saturday, August 26th, the highly anticipated Hudson Derby was played on the pitch at Secaucus High School before a standing-room only crowd. The match, the first of what is hoped to be an annual event, was played in ninety-degree heat in the shadow of the New York City skyline and with the backdrop of the Meadowlands complex in full view. Well before the noon kickoff, the players of City FC and Garden State FC got acclimated to the narrow pitch and worked out their pre-game jitters. City FC, wearing their black kits sponsored by Nathan Hales, exhibited a pre-game calm and composure despite the taunting of one Kristian Dyer, who called their side "Geriatrics FC," "Viagra FC" and shouted out that he hoped their team would not be too battered after the match "to walk downtown and collect their social security checks." Obviously amused by Dyer's off-beat humor and natural good looks , Argentinian and NAMBLA spokesman Gabriel Rivero nearly creamed in his tight little shorts.
Despite the absence of several key players including Robbie Rutgers and Brrrr Stick Em from the starting lineup, the Garden State FC dominated the opening ten minutes of the match with solid scoring opportunities from Merlon "the Magician" and Giusppe, who also set up a nice opportunity for Dyer who pushed the ball inches from the post. City FC did find several gaps in the Garden State defense as the Jersey side continued to press the attack. Most notable among the opportunities was a shot my Brian Mesceri from the top of the eighteen which sailed wide and several good crosses by Haig down the right side.
Finally, the flood gates were opened when Paul tallied with a wicked shot past the Big Apple's stellar keeper, J Laird. A second opportunity was tallied when Merlon put a bulge in the back of the old onion bag when he tallied a penalty. The penalty was given on account of Sergio del Bombo's blatant and unathletic handball in front of the goal (more on Sergio later). Both teams then exchanged goals before going into the half with the Jersey team up 3-1.
The second-half opened up with a renewed emphasis by City FC and several quality opportunites, each of which was stifled, several in acrobatic fashion by Ed Kirwan. The second half saw the entrance into the match of Robbie Rutgers and Brrr Stick Em, both of whom drove from Amish country to make it to the derby. Rob anchored the backline, winning every aerial contest in the tri-state region. Stick - Well, at least he didn't hurt anyone ..
Upon his re-entrance into the match, Dyer, hobbled by what was diagnosed as a fractured ankle two weeks before the match, looked dazed and confused as the pace of play seemed overwhelming. Yet, with Joe and Stick down towards the wings, Dyer managed to slip his defender and fired in a rocket of a shot past a motionless Brent Filipino (Dyer talks more about the match in his post game interview). The Filipino, who up to that point and had proven to be a rock between the posts for the City side, was unable to react to the blast to the far post. Instead of hanging their heads, City FC however picked up their pace of play and shelled the Garden State goal. Despite his acrobatics and stellar instincts, Kirwan was unable to stop every shot and the Argentinian Rivero tallied once, to bring the score to 4-3. In an exciting final five minutes, Garden State FC packed the box with eleven players and bunkered down to hold City from tallying again. When the final whistle blew, Garden State FC walked away knowing they had played a superb opponent. Congratulations to Garden State FC, WINNER of the Innaguaral Hudson Derby.
Post Game Interview
Rob
Stone: Kristian, how does it feel?
Kristian
Dyer: City FC was a very good. They managed to stave off
death for a few hours to play a terrific match. But alas, now the van
for the old folks home has come to pick them up. Of course, I'm being
figurative. They came by bus.
RS:
(laughs) By the way. Nice hair.
KD:
Stop looking at me so closely.
RS:
Sorry. (Averts glance) How would you rate your team's performance?
KD:
We never played before as an actual unit, unlike City FC who trained
like this was their job. We did not play well and yet we won.
RS:
And what of Sergio's handball?
KD:
He's more like a meatball.
RS:
Come on now
KD:
Well, I'm sure it was merely a lapse in concentration. He's been
working two jobs you know. When we had out team meeting on Wednesday
at Wendy's, we saw him. He was very unsocial and didn't make eye
contact, much like at Modell's. When I asked him for a burger, no
mayo, he looked at me and said "When I feed them, they call me a
saint, when I forget to supersize, they call me a Communist."
Weird little guy.
RS:
And what of Rivero?
KD:
The Rivero has run dry, yet his cornhole bleeds.
RS:
True, true.
Kristian
Dyer
exclusive
to the North Jersey Brigade (unfortunately)
